JOKES

Here are a few of my original jokes.

A while ago Channel 9′s Today show had videos of children doing back flips, they were very good. I wonder when they grow up, if they become politicians they will back flip over their promises…

A spiteful woman was complaining about her horrible boss to her dad. I’m underpaid, overworked, and want to tell the boss to kiss my arse. You can’t say that, you’re young and beautiful. Your boss may enjoy kissing your arse.

I heard on talk back radio a tennis player retired hurt because he had a blister on his foot. A woman rang up and said when she was a girl she danced on stage with a nail in her foot. I wondered who was the real girl..

A daughter came home very upset and her father asked “what’s wrong?”. “There’s this guy at work who wants to get into my pants and I don’t want him to do it.” The father said, “You have to tell him straight”, “What will I say?”, “Tell the cross dresser to get his own women’s pants.”

I have been looking on the internet dating site for a woman. There are some married women who only want a bit on the side but I’m not interested in that. I want a bit anywhere, on the table, on the lounge..

One night I met a woman at a bar, we chatted, had a couple of drinks dances. By the end of the night we started kissing and cuddling. I asked her to come back to my place? I’m afraid of hurting you she said, I said “well spank me softly.”

Do you know there’s a town near the Sunshine coast called Mount Mee?
A Woman has be careful hitchhiking, when asking “Are you going to Mount Mee? “

John was in his first French lesson and the teacher asked if anyone knows any French?  John put his hand up and said, “F_c*#n Whore.”
The teacher said, “That’s not French.” John said, Mum and I was at Grandma’s the other day, Mum and Grandma were talking about Auntie Tracy, Mum said that Auntie Tracy was a F_c*#n Whore Grandma said, “Watch your language!” Mum said, “Sorry for my French.”

I have been looking on an internet dating site for a woman.  There are some married women who only want a bit on the side.  But I’m not interested in that, I’d like a bit anyway, on the table, on the lounge.

I told my friend that I like Carrie Under-me.  He asked, “Don’t you mean Carrie Underwood?”  “But I’d like to have Carrie under me.”

Did you see Tony Abbott and Christopher Pine running out of the parliament when Craig Thompson voted with the LNP? It looked like Tony and Christopher were hypnotized by Martin St James.  Martin said when Craig is voting with your party you’re busting for a piss and you’ll run out of the room!

The other day I was talking with a friend and we were talking about the shot called “Wet P#ssy”.  There is a drink called a slippery nipple, imagine if man asked a barmaid for a “Wet P#ssy and two slippery nipples”?  She might say find another woman to have a shower with!